I remember those blissful days before my first child was born. My mind would drift off dreaming of when I would get to hold my baby boy in my arms. Thinking of what he would look like and imagining him as a toddler or going off to kindergarten. He was perfect in my mind. A little angel.
Before I had kids, I recall on more than one occasion seeing a toddler throw a temper tantrum in the store over not getting what they wanted. Or seeing a mother looking like she belonged in an insane asylum with that crazed look in her eyes as she grabs her 3 yr old by the arm and says "If you don't stop screaming and crying we are going to leave." Then 10 minutes later the kid is getting exactly what they wanted and the mom seems so happy that the kid is quiet. "That will never be OUR kid; our son is going to love Jesus." My husband and I would say to each other. Those of you that know my 4 yr old are laughing, probably out loud.
Parenting is so much harder than I ever imagined it to be. Now that I have two boys of my own I am tempted to cut my Mom some slack (please don't tell her I said that). The bummer part about being a parent is that my kids get all my sin problems; they seem to get the worst of my husband and I. That is why my 4 yr old is sometimes a loud, hyper, angry, selfish sinner. Occasionally I look at him and I want to say, "Please don't be like Mommy." "Mommy always got in trouble growing up; it's just not worth it, son." He learns more from HOW I act than he does from WHAT I say. And he learns about who God is from how I act too.
On more than one occasion I have found myself rejoicing over another child being "bad". Just a couple of months ago my son's preschool class put on a little Christmas Program. I was pretty nervous wondering if he would behave or not and sing the songs or if he would pitch a fit on stage or just refuse to sing. Well, he did great! He behaved and sang and stood there like a little angel. I was delighted. I was equally delighted that one girl sat there the entire time with her hands over her ears, another kid kept shaking his jingle bell when he wasn't supposed to, and another cried the whole time til he finally had to just go sit with his parents. I found myself giddy that my kid was the "good" one (which was only because he wanted cake after). Hey, it doesn't happen that often so I have to treasure those rare moments of public displays of goodness.
Occasionally, I will see a kid pitching a fit in the store while my son happily helps me put groceries in the cart and I feel a sense of pride. It's so WRONG, I know. I am focusing on the stuff that doesn't matter. I am comparing my son to others and in return teaching him that it matters more what people think of him than what God thinks of him. We all do it sometimes with ourselves don't we? "I may have done this sin, but they did far worse." "I might not be the world's greatest mother, but at least I'm better than my mom, or at least my kid isn't like that kid." I could raise a son who does all the right things on the outside and is well behaved, but who does not know or love God. Or I can raise a son who loves God and wants to please Him. I would rather have my son love Jesus and His Word, because then the behavior will follow for the right reasons.
By God's grace He is helping me teach my sons that it matters more what is in their hearts. That the only one we have to compare ourselves to is Jesus. My 4 yr old, has learned that obedience is necessary not because then he won't get in trouble, but because it is what Scripture tells him is right. I have seen glimpses of him caring that he has sinned against God, not just disappointed me. I have seen him genuinely repentant over his sin, not just saying he's sorry to try and avoid consequences. Scripture and the knowledge of Jesus is the ultimate behavior modifier, contrary to what Dr. Phil says.
More than once I have had to ask my son for forgiveness for sin, for yelling, or for being too lazy to parent him how God's Word tells me to. I've admitted to him that I need God's help and God's Word the same way he does if I am going to do what's right. Sure we both still have a long way to go, but God can do the work in both of us.
And God has taught me humility (which I am still learning). He's taught me to pray for those mom's in the grocery store when their kid is throwing a tantrum. Because wouldn't I love it if someone prayed for me when it's my son is displaying his depravity.
1 comments:
This is such a good post! Have you read Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman? It is very similar to Shepherding a Child's Heart, but just written from a mom's perspective with funny stories like the ones in your post.
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