The last couple of weeks have been so busy with paperwork and meetings that I feel like I haven't had a lot of time to really reflect on many of the things that God has been teaching me. I like writing them down so I can really think them through, go back and revisit them and maybe someone else will be encouraged too.
The fact that God has rescued me from a life of sin and grafted me into his family has gained new meaning to me over the last few weeks. On many occasion as I have been working on adoption paperwork, I have stopped to think about how truly amazing it is that we can be called sons and daughters of the King. Our adopting Nikolai is a picture of God's grace in that way, but it is really only a snapshot of grace. What God did for us, we could never do, and his love is perfect, unselfish, and immeasurable.
As I have thought and prayed over being a snapshot of grace to Nikolai, this thought entered my mind "how am I a snapshot of grace to Lane and Hudson?" Am I a parent like God is a parent to me? Do I teach them in a kind and gracious manner? Do I make sure they know that they are forgiven? Am I as patient with them as God is with me? What kind of picture of God and grace am I painting?
God is patient, kind, slow to anger, always there, gracious, generous, and forgiving. He delights in his children and his love is perfect. That is the kind of parent I want to be and need to be.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
I Love It When Your Kid Is Worse Than Mine
I remember those blissful days before my first child was born. My mind would drift off dreaming of when I would get to hold my baby boy in my arms. Thinking of what he would look like and imagining him as a toddler or going off to kindergarten. He was perfect in my mind. A little angel.
Before I had kids, I recall on more than one occasion seeing a toddler throw a temper tantrum in the store over not getting what they wanted. Or seeing a mother looking like she belonged in an insane asylum with that crazed look in her eyes as she grabs her 3 yr old by the arm and says "If you don't stop screaming and crying we are going to leave." Then 10 minutes later the kid is getting exactly what they wanted and the mom seems so happy that the kid is quiet. "That will never be OUR kid; our son is going to love Jesus." My husband and I would say to each other. Those of you that know my 4 yr old are laughing, probably out loud.
Parenting is so much harder than I ever imagined it to be. Now that I have two boys of my own I am tempted to cut my Mom some slack (please don't tell her I said that). The bummer part about being a parent is that my kids get all my sin problems; they seem to get the worst of my husband and I. That is why my 4 yr old is sometimes a loud, hyper, angry, selfish sinner. Occasionally I look at him and I want to say, "Please don't be like Mommy." "Mommy always got in trouble growing up; it's just not worth it, son." He learns more from HOW I act than he does from WHAT I say. And he learns about who God is from how I act too.
On more than one occasion I have found myself rejoicing over another child being "bad". Just a couple of months ago my son's preschool class put on a little Christmas Program. I was pretty nervous wondering if he would behave or not and sing the songs or if he would pitch a fit on stage or just refuse to sing. Well, he did great! He behaved and sang and stood there like a little angel. I was delighted. I was equally delighted that one girl sat there the entire time with her hands over her ears, another kid kept shaking his jingle bell when he wasn't supposed to, and another cried the whole time til he finally had to just go sit with his parents. I found myself giddy that my kid was the "good" one (which was only because he wanted cake after). Hey, it doesn't happen that often so I have to treasure those rare moments of public displays of goodness.
Occasionally, I will see a kid pitching a fit in the store while my son happily helps me put groceries in the cart and I feel a sense of pride. It's so WRONG, I know. I am focusing on the stuff that doesn't matter. I am comparing my son to others and in return teaching him that it matters more what people think of him than what God thinks of him. We all do it sometimes with ourselves don't we? "I may have done this sin, but they did far worse." "I might not be the world's greatest mother, but at least I'm better than my mom, or at least my kid isn't like that kid." I could raise a son who does all the right things on the outside and is well behaved, but who does not know or love God. Or I can raise a son who loves God and wants to please Him. I would rather have my son love Jesus and His Word, because then the behavior will follow for the right reasons.
By God's grace He is helping me teach my sons that it matters more what is in their hearts. That the only one we have to compare ourselves to is Jesus. My 4 yr old, has learned that obedience is necessary not because then he won't get in trouble, but because it is what Scripture tells him is right. I have seen glimpses of him caring that he has sinned against God, not just disappointed me. I have seen him genuinely repentant over his sin, not just saying he's sorry to try and avoid consequences. Scripture and the knowledge of Jesus is the ultimate behavior modifier, contrary to what Dr. Phil says.
More than once I have had to ask my son for forgiveness for sin, for yelling, or for being too lazy to parent him how God's Word tells me to. I've admitted to him that I need God's help and God's Word the same way he does if I am going to do what's right. Sure we both still have a long way to go, but God can do the work in both of us.
And God has taught me humility (which I am still learning). He's taught me to pray for those mom's in the grocery store when their kid is throwing a tantrum. Because wouldn't I love it if someone prayed for me when it's my son is displaying his depravity.
Why Foster Parenting
When I was 21 years old I took a part-time job for a non-profit organization called Mentor Co. My "job" was to mentor, tutor and enrich the lives of children who were wards of the state in the foster-care system. It was to this day, the best job I ever had. I only worked there for a year or so and then funding was cut so the program ended. Over the course of my time there I worked with 3 children. Trey was 5 years old, he lived with his maternal grandparents, his parents were both in jail for dealing and using drugs. He was precious. I went to his head start daycare twice a week to work with him on his social skills and to give him some much needed one-on-one attention. His home life was a wreck, his grandparents fed him junk and only junk, and he watched TV all day after preschool til late into the night. His preschool teachers told me had "behavioral problems". You think? How could he not? He was starved for attention and affection. What he wanted most when I came to visit him was for me to hug him, and he loved the fact that I was there just to see him.
Sarah, was 7, she had been in and out of foster care and was back home with her mother when I first started tutoring and mentoring her. She was so sweet and so smart. She soaked in her school work. She really didn't need tutoring, just someone to remind her to do her homework. Something her mother was far too lazy to do. I couldn't believe the filthy apartment she lived in with her mom and 4 siblings. Her mom was usually high when I picked Sarah up and dropped her off. She said she wanted to come live with me, because I was so nice.
Then there was Max, he was 14. He had been in foster care his whole life. He had been in one foster home for over 8 years. There he was neglected, crammed into bedrooms with way too many children. He and the other foster and adopted children were so poorly supervised that some of them were sexually abusing one another. This was by the way at the home of people who claimed to be Christians. Max was behind in school and he was so angry and hurt over everything in his life. He was placed in a new foster home of a single mom and her son. She didn't care about Max, he was just a pay check for her. After a few months there, she said she couldn't handle his temper any more and Max was sent to live in a group home.
Not once did I meet a parent, foster parent, or teacher of these children that cared. That thought they could really amount to anything. That was willing to put in the extra effort needed. What is heart-breaking to me is that there are thousands more children like those kids who will just continue to slip through the cracks, barely noticed. And we as Christians will not help them, we will see them going to school with our own children and we will keep our kids away from them, we won't invite them over to play, we probably won't even learn their names. Maybe some of our churches will bus them in for Sunday School, probably keeping them in their own separate classes. And we'll think that's enough.
One pastor said that if every professing Christian family would foster parent or adopt just one child in the U.S., there would be no children left in the foster care system. We have thousands of children around us that need a home, a bed, parents who will love them. Nothing extraordinary, just a real home; one that won't give up on them, or get rid of them. I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty, just wanting us to think.
I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father has adopted me into His family. And He won't kick me out, no matter what I do. He loves me and cares for me.
That is why I want to be a foster parent. Not just because I love children, or because I want to feel like I've done something good with my life. I want my children to see an example of what Christ has done for us. I want them to grow up in a home that loves others and gives to others. I want to give as many foster children as possible a home where they will be loved and where they can learn about the love of our Savior.
We are currently in the process of becoming licensed foster parents. I can't wait. Hopefully sometime in June we will have two little girls added to our family. We are praying that God places two girls with us that we can eventually adopt.
Sarah, was 7, she had been in and out of foster care and was back home with her mother when I first started tutoring and mentoring her. She was so sweet and so smart. She soaked in her school work. She really didn't need tutoring, just someone to remind her to do her homework. Something her mother was far too lazy to do. I couldn't believe the filthy apartment she lived in with her mom and 4 siblings. Her mom was usually high when I picked Sarah up and dropped her off. She said she wanted to come live with me, because I was so nice.
Then there was Max, he was 14. He had been in foster care his whole life. He had been in one foster home for over 8 years. There he was neglected, crammed into bedrooms with way too many children. He and the other foster and adopted children were so poorly supervised that some of them were sexually abusing one another. This was by the way at the home of people who claimed to be Christians. Max was behind in school and he was so angry and hurt over everything in his life. He was placed in a new foster home of a single mom and her son. She didn't care about Max, he was just a pay check for her. After a few months there, she said she couldn't handle his temper any more and Max was sent to live in a group home.
Not once did I meet a parent, foster parent, or teacher of these children that cared. That thought they could really amount to anything. That was willing to put in the extra effort needed. What is heart-breaking to me is that there are thousands more children like those kids who will just continue to slip through the cracks, barely noticed. And we as Christians will not help them, we will see them going to school with our own children and we will keep our kids away from them, we won't invite them over to play, we probably won't even learn their names. Maybe some of our churches will bus them in for Sunday School, probably keeping them in their own separate classes. And we'll think that's enough.
One pastor said that if every professing Christian family would foster parent or adopt just one child in the U.S., there would be no children left in the foster care system. We have thousands of children around us that need a home, a bed, parents who will love them. Nothing extraordinary, just a real home; one that won't give up on them, or get rid of them. I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty, just wanting us to think.
I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father has adopted me into His family. And He won't kick me out, no matter what I do. He loves me and cares for me.
That is why I want to be a foster parent. Not just because I love children, or because I want to feel like I've done something good with my life. I want my children to see an example of what Christ has done for us. I want them to grow up in a home that loves others and gives to others. I want to give as many foster children as possible a home where they will be loved and where they can learn about the love of our Savior.
We are currently in the process of becoming licensed foster parents. I can't wait. Hopefully sometime in June we will have two little girls added to our family. We are praying that God places two girls with us that we can eventually adopt.
